Reagan-Thatcher v McDaniel-Clarke

My new favorite phrase came to me a couple of months ago through my friend Janis.  We were at lunch and I was telling her about some exchange at work with a staff member (truly, I don't even remember what it was about anymore) and she said "OH -- you need this phrase -- as Margaret Thatcher said to Ronald Reagan, 'Ronnie, this is a notification, NOT a negotiation.'"

OMG -- I have gotten so much mileage out of this phrase.  I LOVE it -- perfect when dealing with kids, family, husbands, staff members, friends, anyone -- I use it a lot.

Anyway, since I was going to write about it today, I decided to look it up on Google and while I still love the phrase, the original phrase and it's meaning weren't exactly what I thought...

I listened to an interview that James A. Baker gave when Thatcher died earlier this year and he was speaking about the great relationship that Prime Minister Thatcher and President Reagan had enjoyed.  Baker spoke about how their relationship was "seamless" and that they never disagreed on anything.  Reagan even asked Thatcher to speak for him on behalf of both countries.  Baker also said that their close relationship "changed the arc of history".

Well, anyway, back to the phrase.  Baker said that the only time he could even think of that Thatcher and Reagan disagreed was when Reagan decided to invade Grenada (it was a former part of the UK).  Reagan called Thatcher the night before to tell her the US was going in and Thatcher replied, "<So,> Ronnie, this is a notification, not a consultation." -- so the words were slightly different, and the meaning different (at least to me).

Originally, I assumed that Thatcher was telling Ronnie the way it was, but instead she was shocked that they weren't consulting (or as in my preferred un-quote -- negotiating).  Funny how words can be changed to fit the meaning you prefer -- and I do prefer my original and will keep it that way :)

So, I tell you all this to put my new favorite phrase out there for you to use -- you won't believe how much it comes in handy, people -- use it in a conversation today!

And in honor of the deep and good friendship of Ronnie and Mags, I want to thank my friend and co-worker Joanna Clarke. 

Like Reagan-Thatcher, McDaniel-Clarke have a seamless and amazing friendship and working relationship.  We may disagree a little more than they did, but I rely on Joanna to give me advice, counsel, and consultation often.  And while I may sometimes decide that I am giving her a notification (And she has certainly notified me a few times too -- ha!), we have changed the arc for Community Partners of Dallas together.  In October, we will have worked together for 7 years and I am planning on many, many more.

Love you, JC!

Gov Christie Just Missed Our Board Retreat

CPD was open late last night.

We had our every-other-year board member retreat and really had a great turnout.  20 of our 28 members were with us, along with our trainer Helen Holman, and a few of our staff members.  Wendy Krispin did the catering (delish) and we made the board members act like they were a group of volunteers coming in to see the agency for the first time.

We gave them the whole ball of wax – made them stand in the lobby until everyone arrived, fill out and sign the volunteer paperwork, tour and listen to what we call the “spiel” from Vanessa, watch the short video – then put them to work counting a school supply and a sock donation.  Then we ate dinner and the training began.

I think they really enjoyed it and I think it was fun for them to see our staff members doing their “normal” jobs.  And it was certainly fun for me to hear the board members talk about ideas to help us raise more money. 

Can I hear a Woo Hoo from Joanna Clarke, please?

A grand time had by all.

So I got home late last night and turned on the TV – right in the beginning of Chris Christie’s speech at the Republican National Convention.

Governor Christie talked about his late mother and how one of her questions was “Do you want to be loved or do you want to be respected?”  Here’s the transcript from the speech:

And the greatest lesson that mom ever taught me though was this one. She told me there would be times in your life when you have to choose between being loved and being respected.  Now she said to always pick being respected. She told me that love without respect was always fleeting, but that respect could grow into real and lasting love. Now, of course, she was talking about women.

But I have learned over time that it applies just as much to leadership.

I agree. 

When people agree to serve on a non-profit board or to work for a non-profit, people are tempted to try to be “loved” – do and say anything to bring in the money or the volunteers, change the programs to “fit” what donors want, see another charity doing something that’s working and decide that you have to do that too (so you duplicate a program service), etc.

Be respected and the love will come.  It has for CPD.

A Smile as Big as Texas

I saw a smile as big as Texas last night.  It was on a little 3-year-old boy’s face named Ernest.  Ernest and his family were with me last night at GattiTown, along with a whole bunch of other kids, their families, and CPS caseworkers.  Here’s the story:

I have worked for Community Partners of Dallas for almost 10 years and in that time I have come to know LOTS of CPS caseworkers.  Most CPS caseworkers don’t stay with CPS – in fact they used to tell me that 60% of new caseworkers left before they even completed 6 months on the job.  It’s tough work and those who do stay for a few years often get moved up into supervisory roles.

Note:  Not all caseworkers want to move into supervisory roles – I’ve talked to some who moved up and then came back to casework because of the huge amounts of paperwork and the added stress. While a single caseworker may have 25-50 cases at a time, a supervisor has 8 caseworkers under them – all with 20-50 cases.  Holding that many young lives in your hands is terrifying.

Anyway, I tell you this to let you know that when a supervisor calls me and wants to meet with me about something – and the call is from someone I have known for years as both a caseworker and supervisor – I get interested immediately.  I mean, if I’ve known this person since I’ve been working with CPS, they are good.  They’ve stuck it out.  They know what they are talking about.

So a few months ago my friend Bobby, a CPS supervisor, called me and asked to have a meeting.  With him, he brought a well thought out written proposal (my little grant-writer’s heart fluttered).  Bobby and his team wanted to celebrate some successful families – those with whom they had worked and who had come out on the other side, better than before.  Families who had their lives turned upside down with an investigation of child abuse, but who had worked with their caseworker, gone to parenting classes,  and had proven that they could be successful parents.  Some were families where the children had been permanently removed from their birth parents and placed with loving relatives.  Successful families.

So instead of focusing on what most people think of when they think about CPS – tearing families apart – this event would be celebrating families who were a success.

Bobby brought us this great idea and it was one that our board at CPD loved.  And luckily for us, one of our board members is the owner of GattiTown, Mr. Paul Griffiths.  When I asked Paul and his wife Aimee if they would be willing to host this event, they said yes immediately.  What a HUGE gift they gave to us and to those families last night!  After a little presentation for each family, the pizza bar was opened and the games and rides were free to our guests.

Our Development VP, Joanna Clarke, and I just stood in the middle of the midway room watching the kids run around with tons of prize tickets, parents interacting with their kids and enjoying themselves, and even caseworkers running into each other in the bumper cars and laughing hysterically.  Joanna and Ernest even got me to ride the Frog Hopper ride – and I screamed more than any of the kids.

Toward the end of the night, Paul and I were standing in the midway, just taking it all in, and Bobby came over to once again thank us.  Bobby explained that one of the families in particular lived at a very low socio-economic level and they just would never have been able to have a night like this – not in their wildest dreams.

A wildest dream and a smile as big as Texas.  What a night.