Some Kids Have Lived Nightmares

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays.  Those of you who know me well know that one of my mottos is (adapted from Steel Magnolias) "holiday decorating is what separates us from the animals," so Halloween is big at Paige's house.  I have tons of pumpkins, witches, and ghosts -- pretty much covering every surface in the den, dining room, and adorning the front yard.

Last night, one of Community Partners of Dallas' best donor and volunteer groups (the Northwood Woman's Club, aka NWC) hosted a Halloween party for the kids in our Heart Program.  The Heart Program provides group treatment for kids who have been sexually abused and for their non-offending family members.  The kids meet every Tuesday evening with therapists to talk about their abuse, their abusers, and their road to recovery. 

Anyway, last night about a dozen lovely ladies from NWC and several of our staff members threw a fun party for these special kids.  A hot dog dinner, fingernail painting, temporary tattoos, cookie decorating and more made a fun night with kids and adults dressed in costumes.  Here's a photo of some of the hostesses with me:

It is always so inspiring for me to be around these boys and girls (ranging in age from 6 to 16) who have lived lives that you and I can't imagine.  They have lived real nightmares.  They have faced real demons.  BUT, all they want is to be like all the other kids.  Truly, with help, they can get over the sexual abuse.  They can move on.

And attending a Halloween party is a first step.

My Life as a Daughter

I hosted my mother's 75th birthday luncheon at my home today.  Even as I type, the first load of dishes is in the dishwasher and the napkins are in the washing machine.  Nine of her girlfriends were here to celebrate and it really was just a ball of fun.

My mother is simply amazing.  Her father died when she was young and she has run a ranching and oil & gas business since that time -- probably about 45 years -- back when a lot of women didn't do that kind of work.  She battled the old boy's network and won.  My father died when I was 5 years old and Mom made decisions that benefitted my brother and me immensely.  She made choices and sacrifices to keep my brother and me safe and secure.  And always with the same FABULOUS hairdo that she still sports today.

Contrast this with a story I heard yesterday from a caseworker about a mother who sexually abused her own daughter, then had the gall to post photos on the internet of her crime.  The details are so harrowing that I don't want to discuss them further.

Why did I end up with my wonderful mother and why did this little girl end up with hers? 

I know that all of you reading this didn't have the greatest mom in the world.  Lots of us weren't that lucky.  But today, I'm just wishing that one little 18-month-old girl had had a Cindrette Ricker McDaniel.  And I'm glad that this 49-year-old girl did.

Top 10 Toys for Christmas

I know that it is early October, but we are already well into Christmas here at Community Partners of Dallas.  Each year we do a Toy Drive for about 5,000 children who are involved with Child Protective Services.  CPS caseworkers find out what the children on their caseloads would like and we make wish cards (similar to the Salvation Army Angel Tree) and send them out into the world to be filled by donors.

This year, we have requests for 15% more children than last year, so we are currently searching for 752 extra donors.  If you can help, please call Marjorie at 214-624-7588. 

The kids who you will be helping truly need some joy in their lives.  They have been battered and bruised and told by those who were supposed to love them that they are stupid and worthless. 

The kids are not asking for the moon either.  Here are our most requested items (in no particular order):

African American dolls
Buzz Lightyear Action Figure / Toys
Vtech Learning Toys
Barbies
Sports Balls (Soccer Balls, Footballs etc)
Wrestling Action Figures
Bath and Body Gift Sets
MP3 Players
Dora Dolls
LEGO Sets
Bikes with helmets
Tonka Trucks

You can make a child's dream come true, for as little as the cost of a barbie doll.  And yes, I know that I listed 12 toys, not 10 -- I was a theater major. 

I'm Still Mad at the Jerk on Hell's Kitchen.

Those of you who know me well know that I love reality TV.  I watch Project Runway, Top Chef, all the Real Housewives, Flipping Out, Jersey Shore, Little People Big World, The Apprentice, and more.  And yes, it is slightly embarrasing to admit that this is a short list of the shows that I watch.  It makes me think of Howard Stern's movie Private Parts, when the station management (who hated Howard's broadcasts) was talking to the ratings guy who was telling them the results of the listener survey that said something like listeners who loved Howard listened for an unheard of 68 minutes.  When asked why they listened so long, the listeners said that they "wanted to see what he would say next".  The ratings guy then revealed that the listeners who hated Howard listened for 90 minutes and their most common reason for listening was "I want to see what he's going to say next". 

I both love and hate reality TV.  I enjoy the break from my real life to look into the produced and edited lives of others. 

Russell, heretofore (and everafter) known as the Jerk, is one of the current "chef-testants" on Hell's Kitchen, hosted by Master Chef Gordon Ramsay on FOX.  The other night the gang of misfit chefs looking to work for Ramsay was tasked with throwing a Prom Party for kids from Beverly Hills High.  Of course, when the school was announced I had a twinge of "oh, I bet those kids will be bratty and demanding" and held my breath. 

The teens weren't bratty.  They were perfectly nice (at least what was shown on the screen) and other than having more advanced palates than many of their peers, were normal teens.

What has kept me thinking about this show was the treatment that the teens endured from the Jerk.  He belittled them in words, actions, and eye rolls when he was asked to put up decorations.  He treated the teens with such disdain that the restaurant manager finally had to step in to remind the Jerk that these kids were CLIENTS.

I was graduated from Highland Park High School, so I will admit that maybe I am somewhat biased, but let me tell you about the teens I know who go to schools like HPHS, ESD, St. Marks, Greenhill, etc.  The teens who help us at Community Partners of Dallas from these schools may drive over here in a Lexus or Mercedes, but they are kind and generous and really care about helping others.  These teens will spend hours and hours on the floor in our warehouse counting school supplies or sweeping the floor.  One of our THANKs (CPD's teen board) members has volunteered more than 700 hours with us to help abused and neglected children in our community. 

The teens I know are super kids and are very deserving of respect.

You better give it to them, because they'll run this world one day.  I think it will be a better world.

Baby Boy Unknown -- a story of hope

At Community Partners of Dallas (CPD) we help kids every day.  Today, this request really hit me:

A CPS caseworker wrote up a request for CPD to provide a birth certificate for a child who was dropped off at the hospital by an unidentified male about 30 minutes after the child was born.  The request listed him as “Baby Boy Unknown”.  The unidentified male stated that the mother had 6 children at home and did not want this baby.  The male refused to bring the baby into the hospital and made the hospital staff come and get the infant from a van parked outside.  “Baby Boy Unknown” was wrapped in bloody sheets and still had his placenta and umbilical cord attached. 

I am thrilled that this baby was turned over to professionals at the hospital.  I am thrilled that the mother and the van driver knew how to give up the baby safely.  I am thrilled CPD has donors and that we were able to help this child with the birth certificate, clothing, diapers, and more.

“Baby Boy Unknown” is now safe in a foster home and is no longer unknown.  He is Sam.

My Guide to Running a Great Non-Profit

They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery -- TCS, prepare to totally swoon...

Back in June our friends at The Container Store asked me to come out to their headquarters and speak to a conference they were hosting for the Conscious Capitalism Alliance.  The Container Store founder Kip Tindell is a major part of this movement and it was simply amazing for me to hear about their business model and to meet business owners from across the country who believe in Conscious Capitalism.  To learn more about the Alliance, visit http://cccsummit.com/?page_id=65

I was totally inspired by The Container Store's Foundation Principles and I know that you will be too.  See them here http://standfor.containerstore.com/our-foundation-principles/ 

I wrote the document below for Community Partners of Dallas called CPD Agency Principles.  We are using them to guide CPD in a multitude of ways -- as our board members write our strategic plan, for our staff annual reviews, to guide our corporate culture and establish norms, to be accountable to donors, and more.

Let me know what you think.

CPD Agency Principles

1.        Stop the Abuse.  Start the Healing. 

Our tag line isn’t just a line; it is the reason why CPD is needed and our response.  It is easy to feel sorry for our kids – those who have been beaten, neglected, sexually abused, and more – what matters is what you do to stop it from continuing.  Thank God for CPS Caseworkers and all of the CPS staff.  These brave and committed people work tirelessly to protect victims and CPD is privileged to be able to be part of the healing and help that brings these precious kids solace and sanctuary.

2.       Communication is Leadership. 

Borrowed from our good friends at The Container Store, we agree that “consistent, reliable, predictable, effective, thoughtful, compassionate, and courteous communication” is important for a successful organization.  We make sure that information is shared and available to all board members and employees.  Each one of our staff members is able to discuss this agency and our board meetings are open to all.  We celebrate financial goals, volunteer project completions, and program successes with equal fervor.

3.        Training is Key.

For our Board of Trustees members, our volunteers, and our employees, training is a vital part of success for Community Partners of Dallas.  We want our volunteers to fully understand why they are here and why their time is so needed to benefit CPD.  On-going specialized volunteers receive a formal orientation and training, and continue to receive additional on-the-job training from our staff members.  Staff members receive at least 100 hours of training in their first year with the agency, and continuing education is encouraged throughout their tenure.

4.       We Uphold the Donor Bill of Rights.

The Association of Fundraising Professionals designed the Donor Bill of Rights and CPD is committed to its principles and follows them fully.  The full document may be found below.  We want every donor to have full confidence in supporting CPD and we pledge to you that every gift is being handled appropriately and as the donor requests.

5.       Attitude of Gratitude.

Whether for our Dallas County CPS caseworkers, for our volunteers, or for our donors, we strive to show you appreciation and gratitude.  We strive to greet you with a smile, answer any question, and serve you with dignity and respect at all times.  Plus, you will walk away with a hearty thank you and knowing that you are a vital part of the success of Community Partners of Dallas.

6.        When You Love Your Work It Shows.

This is the mantra for CPD employees and we attempt to show it in everything we do.  No man is an island and each staff member of CPD knows that help with a project is only steps away.  Putting the good of the agency above ourselves is the goal and staff members work until the job is complete – but with a sense of fun in every step.  We find that when we give staff members the latitude and freedom to do their work, they go above and beyond to make it their best work possible.  New ideas and ways of looking at problems are rewarded and celebrated.  We LOVE working at CPD and we want you to feel the love too!

7.        Come Back to the Kids. 

      Finally, this is how decisions are made at CPD.  We are mission focused; making sure that every decision is put to the test:  “Will this decision provide the best possible outcome to benefit our kids and our agency?”  The mission of Community Partners of Dallas is to ensure safety, restore dignity, and inspire hope for the abused and neglected children served by Dallas County Child Protective Services.  In the end, we want to look back on our efforts here and know that we made a difference in the lives of children.  That is success.

The Donor Bill of Rights (from the Association of Fundraising Professionals)

Philanthropy is based on voluntary action for the common good. It is a tradition of giving and sharing that is primary to the quality of life. To ensure that philanthropy merits the respect and trust of the general public, and that donors and prospective donors can have full confidence in the nonprofit organizations and causes they are asked to support, we declare that all donors have these rights:

I. To be informed of the organization's mission, of the way the organization intends to use donated resources, and of its capacity to use donations effectively for their intended purposes.

II. To be informed of the identity of those serving on the organization's governing board, and to expect the board to exercise prudent judgment in its stewardship responsibilities.

III. To have access to the organization's most recent financial statements.

IV. To be assured their gifts will be used for the purposes for which they were given.

V. To receive appropriate acknowledgement and recognition.

VI. To be assured that information about their donation is handled with respect and with confidentiality to the extent provided by law.

VII. To expect that all relationships with individuals representing organizations of interest to the donor will be professional in nature.

VIII. To be informed whether those seeking donations are volunteers, employees of the organization or hired solicitors.

IX. To have the opportunity for their names to be deleted from mailing lists that an organization may intend to share.

X. To feel free to ask questions when making a donation and to receive prompt, truthful and forthright answers.

I Hate You! What's for Dinner?

I stole this title from a conference that I attended today.  The conference was put on by the Grant Halliburton Foundation and was about dealing with the teenagers in our lives.  At Community Partners of Dallas we certainly deal with teens -- both as clients of CPS and as donors and volunteers through our high school teen board called THANKs.

The entire conference was interesting but the Aha moment for me was advice from Paul, a member of the teen panel, who gave parents this advice:  Create a regular shared experience with your kid -- even if it is only once a month -- just find time to do something with each child that will give you the time to listen to your child.  Paul also said to do this with each child separately -- he said that there were things that he wouldn't ever talk about in front of his sister.

I know, I know -- I'm not a parent, but I just had to pass this along to those of you who are.  Keep your kids safe.  Listen to them and create time to be together so they will come to you when they are confronted with crisis. 

And by the way, what is for dinner?  It's five o'clock.  And I don't hate you.  Yet.

P.S.  If you have high school kids, be sure to have them join THANKs -- it is a great way to get service hours and to have some fun.  Visit http://www.communitypartnersdallas.org/ and click on the volunteer tab to find out more.