Jenny Friends

People say that friends are the family we choose.

I have to say that I'd have a pretty dull life without mine.

Even though I'm from Dallas and grew up here -- and I'm lucky enough to have my family here too -- I feel like I don't have a lot of good friends.  Of course, I know hundreds of people I would call friends. But I'm talking about friends who know the real, true me and love me despite my faults and shortcomings.

Not counting family, I can count those real, true friends on 2 hands.  Some of them I've known forever, some less than 10 or 12 years.  Some I'm in almost constant contact with, others I only see every once in awhile.

What do you call these special best friends?

Some people call them "Ride or Die" friends.  Some call them "Besties".

I've started calling mine Jennys.

Here's why...

Cara was born to a drug-addicted mother and a father who spent most of Cara's life in and out of jail. Child Protective Services caseworkers were called when Cara was born and tested positive for drugs. She was placed into foster care as an infant and when her parents' parental rights were terminated, she became a ward of the State of Texas.  Even though she was a cute baby and later a cute little girl, none of her foster parents ever adopted her and no potential adoptive parents ever showed an interest in her.  She moved to different foster homes a lot.

Cara became more and more disruptive as she got older.  Her feelings were hurt over and over by foster parents, by other children in foster homes, by kids at school.  Cara was an introvert -- but one who acted out in rage periodically.  Since she moved to different foster homes a lot, she attended lots of different schools.  She had no friends.

Many CPS caseworkers were assigned to Cara, but with her years in the system extending and her caseworkers changing jobs or leaving CPS altogether, she didn't have much stability in her life -- until Jenny came along.

NOTE:  40% of new CPS caseworkers leave CPS within 9 months.

Jenny is a CPS caseworker in Dallas County who really cares about her clients, so when Cara was assigned to her caseload, things began to change for Cara.  At first, Cara wasn't used to having a friend, so she wasn't very open with Jenny.  Jenny kept trying.  Cara went into a rage at her foster home and had to move to a new foster home (again).  Jenny kept trying.  Cara got into a huge fight at school.  Jenny kept trying.

Finally one day after a particularly bad fight with her foster dad, Cara began to cry to Jenny.  Cara told Jenny that she only had one friend -- and that was Jenny.

And one good Jenny is enough.

Memorial for a Friend

It's been a difficult week, friends.  One of my favorite people passed away and her burial and funeral were yesterday.

The woman who died was not related to me, but I've known her almost all of my life.  Her son is my best and longest friend and I love him and his family more than any other (except my own).

I was fine yesterday and barely cried at all, but today I had lunch with a friend and we were supposed to be talking about Community Partners of Dallas, but I just found myself talking about yesterday.

I need to let it go, so you guys get to hear a little about this wonderful woman who has now gone to be with the Lord.  A few of my favorite things I learned from her:

• You need something Asian in every room.
• You need something red in every room.
• If you like something, buy it.
• Always carry cash with you in order to make a good deal with an antiques dealer.

Those are all great, practical advice things that I fully embrace, but here are my favorite things ever and the things that have me in tears as I write:

Once when we were at a big family event at her home for Thanksgiving, I remarked on how beautiful all of her family members were and didn't she feel proud of how gorgeous they all were, etc.  And let me tell you, we were surrounded by several generations of her truly gorgeous offspring.  This is what she said back to me:

It is what is on their insides that make them beautiful.

The other image that I have never forgotten is one concerning she and her dear husband (another one of my favorite people ever -- he passed about 7 years ago) who met while she was in high school and he was in college.  They had a really wonderful love that is really rare.  Anyway, she once told me that they often awoke in the morning holding hands in their sleep.

What a woman and what a legacy she left.  I'm a better me for having known her.

Finding Lost Love

I've been thinking about friends a lot lately.

Maybe it's because I have a birthday coming up next month (fifty-threemendous) or maybe I'm just sick of my friends...

NOTE:  Just kidding about being sick of my friends.  I'm not sick of my friends at all.  I love them and they love me.

NOTE to NOTE:  At least I'm pretty sure that they love me.  They take my calls, at least.

I think the real reason is that I keep thinking about what it would be like to be a child who is abused and neglected.  A child who is saved from a dire situation, but then is taken from the only home she knows (albeit an unsafe one) and placed into foster care.  Typically that child will not only leave her parents and family, but will also leave her friends and perhaps even her siblings.

NOTE:  Normally when children are removed by CPS from a home, all children are removed.  Many times a family of more than one or two kids cannot be placed together in the same foster home.

The child will have to go to a new school and make new friends.  He may never see his old friends again. 

When I was at Miraval recently with my friends

NOTE:  Click here to read about my most recent trip http://blog.paigemcdaniel.org/2014_06_01_archive.html

I did a workshop where they asked us to make a pie chart of how we actually spend most of our time.  My pie was heavily weighted to work (Listen to that, CPD board members!) and television (natch).  Family had a big part of the pie, but the smallest piece of my pie (that was important, anyway) was friends.  We then were asked to draw a pie of how we wanted our pie to look and of course I enlarged my friend pie quite a bit.  Great, huh?

But what have I actually done about it?

Not much.

Here is a photo of Joe and me with some really old friends -- some that we haven't broken bread with in years.

I had them all over to dinner not long ago and I put a big clock in the center of my dining room table (along with flowers and candles, too -- my Momma raised me right, people).  Time passes.  That night was a ball of fun, but I'm greedy.  I want more.

I could just cry thinking about all of the friends I've lost.  Maybe some through controversy and fights, but most just from letting them slip away.

I'm sure you have some too.  Some that just became inconvenient.  Your circumstances changed and your lives didn't gel as much.  Or maybe you got to know them just enough to know that you didn't want them much anymore.

Here I have let friends leave my life without a word of protest, but the pitiful kids Community Partners of Dallas serves have lost everyone they knew and loved in an instant -- and most of them do it kicking and crying and screaming.  I let mine go without a fight.

I'm making a pledge to you now that I'm going to look up and find some of the people that I've let slip away.  I'll report back to you.  They may not all be thrilled to hear from me, but at least I will have tried.

Our kids don't even get the chance.

Am I Controlling?

I just returned from another fabulous trip to the Miraval Resort just outside of Tucson, Arizona.  I have been going annually for many years and typically go with a large group of friends -- both old and a few new -- and that is what makes the trip especially fun.

Miraval is all about mindfulness and living in the present moment.  Meditation, living with intention, etc.  Here is the wall hanging that is in each room -- just in case you need a reminder while changing for dinner.

Those of you who know me well know that I am all over this stuff -- it's SO Oprah -- and I really find the time I spend there worth every penny.

NOTE:  Miraval ain't cheap, people.  Plus, they have really cute work-out clothes in their gift shop.

NOTE TO NOTE:  You may wonder why I need cute work-out clothes...  So do I, but damn if I don't always get myself some.

I always go to classes while I'm there to help me  -- on my <gag> journey and one of their experts told me that I need to keep writing (for a creative outlet), so I guess you won't be rid of this blog too soon.  Thanks for reading.

Here are the girls from this year's trip.  Most of us are no makeup, so reader beware.

The other thing one of their experts told me is that I like to be in control.

NOTE:  Sue me.

Just that morning I had gone on the 2 hour hike and it almost killed me.  But the worst part was when we arrived at the "dry creek bed" that they had filled up with sand (BTW, I bet they trucked that sand in) and then told us that we should trudge (my word, not his) through the sand and then up the next hill or two in silence.  Lori and I rolled our eyes and took off.  Sand in my shoes and huffing and puffing up the trail, barely keeping from stumbling into cacti each step.  Finally I get to the top and the front people (who would push to go around us the whole time so Lori and I finally just walked together to hold them back -- controlling?) were standing there in silence.

NOTE:  No one was really going faster than anyone else -- they just wanted to look like they were going faster.  Bitches.

Anyway, here they all are standing around looking bored, so I made this announcement to all:

I would like to say, and I am unanimous in this, that I don't want to walk through anymore sand.

NOTE:  Ten points if you caught the Are You Being Served Mrs. Slocombe reference.

Controlling?

Of course, D'Andra and Angela were in total agreement with me and cracked up -- Lori too.  My friends know that I'm controlling.  I think they like me that way.

Thanksgiving with Joe

I am on vacation for Thanksgiving with my best friend Joe's family. They are a large and hilarious group of people -- from 4 month old twins to 83 year old peeps.  I really enjoy being with them and they treat me like family, so I'm blessed.

Here's what I've learned so far:

• Never turn down an offer to watch a episode of South Park with Joe. He loves it so much that it makes you happy just to see him guffaw. 
• Clark Edwards is a stud. Let him tell you about it.
• Always ask if you can help prepare the meal. I've learned lots of great tips from cooking with Clark's!
• The kitchen is the center of the house -- leave it rarely, or risk the talk turning to you...
• Always hold a baby when you get the chance -- sing a little too because the baby thinks you're Pavarotti.  You Are My Sunshine is always a winner.
• Make every moment count with those you love -- the days are long, but the years are short.

We love you, Angela.

Tips for Staying Young From A Not So Old Lady

I'm headed to a friend's retirement party this evening.

When did I get old enough for that?

Now, please know that my friend is retiring earlier than most people (God knows that I'll probably be working until age 75 if they'll have me.) and she is a bit older than I am, but really,

I AM NOT OLD ENOUGH FOR THIS!

All of you youngsters who are reading this blog need to be told now that your mind will never feel much older than when you were in college.  As your life continues your dreams may evolve and your friendships will ebb and flow, but really you'll still feel young.  At least I do.

So, here are my tips for staying young:

• Keep learning!  An active mind is such a blessing.  Read, embrace new technology, be curious.
• Talk to young people!  I love giving a speech for/or meeting with groups of teens.  Of course, I am lucky to have my niece Caroline who is still in high school to talk with -- I do believe that she really likes me -- and she KNOWS that I like her.
• Learn to play bridge!  My bridge group over the past 12 or so years has brought me so much joy and laughter (I'm not a great player, but who really gives -- it's a game!) and supposedly it is a great way for your brain to get some good juices flowing. 
• Keep up with fashion trends!  Not that I am the fashion plate (as if), but I do watch The Fashion Police on E! and try to look as good as I can each day.  Enjoying some wild colors on my fingernails lately has really made me feel cool... 
• Make friends with people of all ages!  I am lucky enough to have many friends who are younger than I -- and I love them.  Their perspective is fresh and helps me to see things in a whole new way -- plus, they know all of the best restaurants in town because they are out every stinkin' night. 
• If you are bored, volunteer!  Volunteering your time is a great way to feel useful.  We'd love your help at Community Partners of Dallas -- call Vanessa today at 214-624-7557.  The fountain of youth is just across town!

Thanks for reading and I'd love any tips you have to stay young in the comments.  My #FundRaisingFriday gift is going to CPD tomorrow during Donor Bridge -- why not raise a few more bucks for the kiddos?

P.S.  I didn't list it, but another way that I stay young is by using exclamation points -- ha!

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving is tomorrow so, of course, I want to write about what I am thankful for this year.

• God’s grace.  Enough said.
• My family, especially my mom.  I love them more than they will ever know.
• My great job.  It is a privilege and a blessing to have a small part in helping the innocent victims of child abuse and neglect.  And without our great board members and donors and volunteers, none of it would be possible.
• My co-workers.  These remarkable women inspire me every day.  They are smart, energetic, caring, and beautiful.
• The USPS.  I love being able to write someone a note and have it arrive at their house the very next day for 44 cents.  You couldn’t pay me 20 dollars to do that.
• The Dallas Morning News and The Today Show.  They are pretty much my only news providers except E.
• My sweet and wonderful housekeeper, Isabel.  She makes my life easier and her smile will stop traffic.
• My best friends.  My world would be cold and harsh without these fabulous people:  Joanna, Cynthia, Maria, Lynn, Jill, Jan, Lori, and Joe. 
• My new friend, Dave Romanelli.  Dave is known as “Yeah Dave” and can be found at yeahdave.com.  Dave has changed my way of thinking about things this year.  He has encouraged me to find something beautiful, delicious, and funny every day.  I wish that I had our phone conversations on tape.  His wisdom has helped me to get over some long-held crap.
• You.  When I started this blog just over a year ago, I really didn’t know if I would like writing.  I do.  And I am so grateful that you like me enough to read it.

I’m sitting here now with a few tears in my eyes.  At this time last year I wrote about all of the things in my life that I loved – my car, my IPad, etc.  I find it interesting that this year it is about people.

I am wishing you a blessed and happy holiday.  Tomorrow, hug those people around you a little closer.  They deserve it.  You do too.

Why We Love Dallas.

We had our first board meeting of the year at Community Partners of Dallas today.  We had a room of about 30 board and staff members there and believe me, they are a powerful group.  Board members come to us through a variety of ways:  the Junior League of Dallas (LOVE the JLD!), the business world, volunteer service, through friends, and many other ways. 

Since this was our first meeting of the year and we had a few new board members in the room, we took the opportunity to go around the room and have each board member tell what his or her favorite thing is about Dallas, as well as their favorite thing about our agency.  I just LOVED the answers we got, especially when they talked about the agency and remarked on the beauty of the staff members (Yes, some of them actually said that – Gold Stars for them!). 

But I really enjoyed discussing the best things about Dallas.  Several people loved how Dallas really has become a great city for the arts.  Some mentioned loving all of the great choices for restaurants in Big D – S&D Oyster Company and Bob’s Chop House were especially noted.  Several said that they loved how easy it was to get around in Dallas and we were all happy to have a Target Store nearby our homes.  One person said that she loved her nice neighbors; another that we live in a city where we feel pretty safe.  Others noted the generosity of our city and how we enjoy such a variety of activity options for all ages.  Many said that they loved our weather (except the ice).

However, one board member’s comment really hit home with me.  She said that her favorite thing about Dallas was her friends. 

Isn’t that what makes life on earth bearable?  A friend to help you when you need help.  A friend who brings you a valentine.  A friend who calls you when you’re low.  A friend who makes you laugh. 

A friend who reminds you that you live in a great city and work for a great agency.  Thanks, Leslie.